Redeem this text for a blowjob
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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