Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
