remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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