im having a threesome with these popsicles
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
