I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I wear drunk well.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
