just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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