i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
