Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
