im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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