you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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