Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
