The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
