If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
my poor anus
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
