At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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