How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
