Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
