his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
