There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
