She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
