Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
