dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
