New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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