I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
