just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
