You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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