I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
