too bad you live with your parents still
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
