I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
