What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
