The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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