Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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