I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
