I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
