I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Sext me about skeletons
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
