I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
