Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
