Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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