i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
so that wasnt chicken after all
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
