one might say we're banned from that church
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
