dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
