They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
