you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
