I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Farmville is her only friend.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
