I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
