I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
