TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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