I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
