he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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