she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
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