Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
