and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
should my penis look like a turkey
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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