epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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